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3/100: It's not you; it's me
May. 9th, 2017 01:54 pmLast night, I almost choked on my own heart.
I thought I saw my ex. Even though it's been over a decade, we didn't end on good terms. I could have handled things differently. Better. While I can cite all the things going on in my life that made me take a running leap over the chasm of "this is not a very nice thing to do," it doesn't change the fact of what I did. It wouldn't surprise me if he still wanted to tell me off.
Anyways, I'm standing there, struggling with all the grace of a teenager who hasn't had decades to practice looking composed, because I'm working. I can't run. There's no where to hide. So, I'm just standing there, staring from just a bit away at a man who dresses and looks just like my ex. While I'm standing around wondering if bailing on my job is a good idea, I see him sign up for the group that I'm in charge of.
If you've ever seen the scene from "The Exorcist" where Reagan spews bile everywhere...well, that's how I felt. Perhaps fortunately, I hadn't had dinner yet, so there was nothing to lose.
I watched him sign his name. The first one was long (that's what she said) - too long, it seemed, to be either my ex's nickname or given name. As I'm processing this, my boss introduces himself, and then guides this man in my direction.
And it is not my ex. It is somebody who looks eerily similar to him, but a bit taller, and with a completely different voice.
My heart returned to it's proper place in my chest. My breathing became regulated again. All seemed right with my world.
I know it's immature, but I hope I never run into my ex, and if I do? That it's not while I'm on the clock.
I thought I saw my ex. Even though it's been over a decade, we didn't end on good terms. I could have handled things differently. Better. While I can cite all the things going on in my life that made me take a running leap over the chasm of "this is not a very nice thing to do," it doesn't change the fact of what I did. It wouldn't surprise me if he still wanted to tell me off.
Anyways, I'm standing there, struggling with all the grace of a teenager who hasn't had decades to practice looking composed, because I'm working. I can't run. There's no where to hide. So, I'm just standing there, staring from just a bit away at a man who dresses and looks just like my ex. While I'm standing around wondering if bailing on my job is a good idea, I see him sign up for the group that I'm in charge of.
If you've ever seen the scene from "The Exorcist" where Reagan spews bile everywhere...well, that's how I felt. Perhaps fortunately, I hadn't had dinner yet, so there was nothing to lose.
I watched him sign his name. The first one was long (that's what she said) - too long, it seemed, to be either my ex's nickname or given name. As I'm processing this, my boss introduces himself, and then guides this man in my direction.
And it is not my ex. It is somebody who looks eerily similar to him, but a bit taller, and with a completely different voice.
My heart returned to it's proper place in my chest. My breathing became regulated again. All seemed right with my world.
I know it's immature, but I hope I never run into my ex, and if I do? That it's not while I'm on the clock.
