I am currently eavesdropping on a conversation between two people I know. The gist can be summarized in, "Nothing is as good as it used to be!" Specifically, it's about media like TV and movies. I am trying so hard not to side-eye one member of the conversation, because her history of consumption is t-r-a-g-i-c. The way she's describing characters in current shows is pretty much how characters in her favorite shows behaved, but I guess it's different somehow? Who knows.

I'm making a mental note to not be the kind of adult who is basically complaining about things because I'm older and the majority of entertainment is no longer targeted at me. I think that's what ages people more than anything: the cynicism, the unwillingness to change and adapt. I won't let that happen to me.

There's an upcoming meetup for people interested in joining the local roller derby league. I'm going to go. Hey, my knees are finally starting to heal up. That means it's time to bust something again, right? Right!

On that note, I'm off to the track - running, not racing.

Apples and trees, man. One never falls far from the other. In this case, it's communication styles.

It's most noticeable with my brother. While he's relaxed over the years, there's still the overwhelming sense that he doesn't do small talk. If you're calling, you'd better know the reason, and state it succinctly. It was intimidating when I was younger, but now I realize that's pretty much how I roll, too.

Cut to this evening. P came home after listening to a friend's band play. He told me a bit about it, but eventually went to sulk in his room. I felt a moment of guilt about that, then realized he's the one who chose to sequester himself. I only stated the truth: that I wanted him to get to the point of his story. He was literally giving me a play by play of what the parking lot looked like (I KNOW what it looks like, because I go to that area a lot, which he knows), the exact path that he walked, the various people he saw. There was no point to him giving all of that detail to me. None. And he tends to talk like this, which is just exhausting. I have a short attention span, especially when something doesn't interest me. Do not spend 25 minutes (I timed him once, just to make sure I wasn't overreacting) giving me a breakdown of every last second. Get to the good stuff!

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We went to the local boardwalk today. Bug wanted to go on a ride. I'm holding off on doing that again until next year. I used to think that the scariest thing about rollercoasters is the big drop off. Now I realize it's hearing a little voice next to you saying, "I think I'm going to throw up!" (He didn't, but it sounded like it was a very real possibility at the time.)

Last night, I almost choked on my own heart.

I thought I saw my ex. Even though it's been over a decade, we didn't end on good terms. I could have handled things differently. Better. While I can cite all the things going on in my life that made me take a running leap over the chasm of "this is not a very nice thing to do," it doesn't change the fact of what I did. It wouldn't surprise me if he still wanted to tell me off.

Anyways, I'm standing there, struggling with all the grace of a teenager who hasn't had decades to practice looking composed, because I'm working. I can't run. There's no where to hide. So, I'm just standing there, staring from just a bit away at a man who dresses and looks just like my ex. While I'm standing around wondering if bailing on my job is a good idea, I see him sign up for the group that I'm in charge of.

If you've ever seen the scene from "The Exorcist" where Reagan spews bile everywhere...well, that's how I felt. Perhaps fortunately, I hadn't had dinner yet, so there was nothing to lose.

I watched him sign his name. The first one was long (that's what she said) - too long, it seemed, to be either my ex's nickname or given name. As I'm processing this, my boss introduces himself, and then guides this man in my direction.

And it is not my ex. It is somebody who looks eerily similar to him, but a bit taller, and with a completely different voice.

My heart returned to it's proper place in my chest. My breathing became regulated again. All seemed right with my world.

I know it's immature, but I hope I never run into my ex, and if I do? That it's not while I'm on the clock.

I didn't realize how much I could miss LJ until I encountered a bunch of stereotypical Trump supporters.

Backing up, I deleted my old LJ back when the ToS drastically and insanely changed, and I couldn't even get into my account without agreeing to these changes. So, I did - long enough to delete everything. Goodbye, account I had since...2001? 2003? I don't remember, but it was a permanent account. I think I got my money's worth, and... I'm ready to move on. I don't just mean from the old user name, but from all the sadness and turmoil that I feel marked my life during that time. It's not that everything is perfect and without worries now, but I at least feel like I'm not stuck, that I have a choice not to be.

The Trump supporter stories can wait until tomorrow. I need to get to bed (well, not really, but apparently eating three bags of chips throughout the day isn't the best choice I've made).